Learning about “Trafficking” with the Trump Administration

For all you flustered males out there who’ve been aghast at my recent Lindsay Clancy takes, fear not — relief is on the way.

I wanted to give you a quick preview of an event I attended last week.

It was a very peculiar event. But in its own way, glorious.

It might be the only thing started by the Biden Administration that has been enthusiastically carried over by the Trump Administration. (Maybe with the exception of the Ukraine War. Just kidding. Sort of.)

It was something called the “Anti-Human Trafficking Symposium” — proudly hosted by the Department of Homeland Security, in beautiful Arlington, Virginia, mere steps away from the Pentagon. This year’s triumphant tagline: “Action is the Solution.”

That’s right! No more words, people! We need “action.” To deal with this shockingly pervasive problem of “trafficking,” which despite being so omni-present, is also somehow far too imperceptible to ever be spotted with the naked eye. And, strangely, always seems to need to be manufactured by lavishly funded sting operations. So you must attend these endless seminars, trainings, and “symposiums” to have any hope of apprehending the conceptually fluid nature of “trafficking,” because it’s simply not something you’ll ever be able to grasp as a mere mortal.

As mentioned, this event was technically sponsored by the Trump Administration.

I’ve got a question for you, fellas.

What would you say if I told you the Trump Administration is hosting “symposiums” that feature the following:

• Literal “safe spaces”

• “Lived Experience Experts”

(They even announced their own new acronym, “LEEs,” which we were lucky enough to be educated about the existence of)

• Books, hot off the presses, on what “trafficking”-related lessons we can all learn from the Epstein Files

(Don’t worry, I made sure to grab an exclusive copy. Review forthcoming! How could I resist a Trump-subsidized NGO explanation of the true meaning of Jeffrey Epstein?!?!)

And that ain’t even the half of it, fellas.

Wait till you hear about the Hollywood-style feature film I was told is currently in the works: an original blockbuster thriller on “trafficking.” Produced in association with the Trump Administration. Hell yeah! Key thematic elements will reportedly include: a sinister mythological “island,” from which all the ghastly trafficking originates, and a devious female “Madame,” who enables the main trafficking villain. Perhaps with a sprinkling of some ritual child sacrifice? Does any of this sound familiar? I’ll have to leave you in suspense for now. (And no, I am not kidding about any of this. It gets much crazier.)

STAY TUNED!

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